I have autism and ADHD, a ‘contradictory brain’ I’ve never really known who I am. I struggle with socializing I want a friend but I also want to be alone, I don’t pick up on social cues but can work somebody’s intentions out in minutes. I have a personality that craves and also hates social interaction and stimulation, craves excitement but also needs quiet and solace. I am impulsive but hate to spend money, hyperactive but get overstimulated. I have spent my life always ‘looking through the window’ like pavlov and his dogs observing a human experiment of ‘life’ being present but not present at the same time learning the ways of ‘normal’ people and wondering why it comes naturally to others. I spent life hiding under a mask. You start to mask so much that you eventually forget who the person beneath the mask is, ‘who am I’ ?
I got diagnosed with ADHD and autism late last year and recently started medication which work great for me and I have learnt routine is key.
Charlotte Thorp