Before I was diagnosed, I was on this slow ship in the middle of nowhere. I was constantly confused and I felt like a failure because I couldn’t understand nor live up to the neurotypical expectations placed on me.
It all came to a head at university where I just broke down, I couldn’t cope with the pressure and I just didn’t know why it was so hard for me to manage myself. I went from having regular confirmation that I was on the right track from peers and teachers to being almost entirely independent with no standards to compare myself to.
Until I got my diagnosis. Afterwards I had a period of grief, thoughts of what could’ve gone better and situations I could have avoided.
But then I realised, I finally know what standards to hold myself to, I have a recognisable condition that makes me different but it’s totally okay. I feel comfortable, I know my limits and I even know how to exploit things like hyperfocus to my advantage. For the first time, I felt like I was thriving.
Jack
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